ew
My anxiety is so bad this afternoon that I feel like I’m going to throw up. But what lifestyle changes would possibly result in less anxiety? I don’t think there are any.
Sloth
I took Unpredictable school supply shopping at Target. There was only one real checkout lane open, and the checker was the absolute slowest I have ever seen at that store. We weren’t in a hurry, so it was fine, but if I had been doing a grocery delivery I’d have been crying by the end of it.
weird observation
I’m listening to an audiobook in which the mother, who is older than I am but whose kids are younger than mine, says that all of the parenting books she read advised against co-sleeping.
I don’t know how she managed not to read anything by William Sears or any of the others that I read (there were many but I no longer remember the authors’ names).
She seems like a reader. Odd that she missed those.
Another impurrfection
The other complaint about the purrfect portions is that they aren’t even perfect portions. The only way would be if you only had one cat and you fed half-wet and half-dry at the same time. I have two cats and I split a 5.5-ounce can of Friskies between them twice a day and that’s been keeping them alive and at healthy weights for years. I do feed dry food to Friendly sometimes when Sweet isn’t with me, but I don’t mix wet and dry at the same meal. If I used the purrfect portions, I would have to feed each cat two portions at each meal, which would be a crazy waste of plastic. The only way for it not to be crazy wasteful would be if I fed one portion to Friendly if I didn’t also have Sweet with me, and then I would also feed him some dry food but a reduced amount. I suppose there are some people who only have one cat and feed both formats at the same meal, who may find this sizing useful, but I still can’t imagine Mars is making an overall profit on it.
Funny dream
I slept better than usual last night, although I did wake up at one point with my now-warm ice pack still under my boob, so that was only semi-effective. Anyway I had a dream that Bert told me he had a baby due that day. Baffled, I asked, “Do you have a wife?” He said no. I asked, “Do you have a girlfriend?” and he looked guilty and hesitant and finally said that he had had a girlfriend but she cheated on him so he broke up with her, although he was still pretty sure the baby was his. I guess that dream isn’t funny now that I’ve written it out, but it amused me in my head while I was having it.
Meeting
I had a kids’ program meeting this evening, and Bert was there. I hadn’t seen him in person in 3 months although we had texted back and forth a little. I am not romantically interested in him at all any more, partly because he rejected me two years ago, and partly because I have since experienced really being deeply loved, which makes everything else uninteresting to me now. Still, there is something about him that makes me always aware of what he’s doing any time I am in the same room with him, even if he’s just sitting there not doing anything. Maybe he has one of those woowoo auras around him.
Continuity chart
Body neutrality and locality neutrality
I have to live in this town for 3 more years, and it’s possible I may wind up having to live in this state for 20 more years. It is not my first choice place to live. But I don’t hate it, and I think that if I lean into the negative aspects, I will make myself depressed, but if I exaggeratedly lean into the positive aspects, I will feel dishonest and it will backfire. I think, therefore, that I should adopt a neutral attitude, such that I can appreciate the things about it that I do like, without feeling icky about the things I don’t.
Example
See, all three of these Mars-owned brands of cat food–Iams, Sheba, and Nutro–used to be reasonably/moderately priced back when they came in actual cans, but the transition to “purrfect portions” made the price absolutely skyrocket. I can’t imagine Mars made a profit off of this since I can’t imagine that people stuck with it once the price went through the roof.
Menopause
I was lying awake at 4 AM as per usual, both because my brain is stupid and because it’s hard to sleep when your bed is 500 degrees. I was thinking about how often I would like to have sex if I had a partner. I was thinking it depends on if I’m ovulating or not. And I just realized I’m not sure I ovulate any more. I had a hysterectomy when Unpredictable was a baby, but they only took out my uterus; they left my ovaries. I could still feel when I was ovulating. I just realized I’m not sure when it last happened. I think it was sometime in the past year, but not in the past few months. Maybe I’m done being young for good.
perfectpanicky 